At the close of this semester, I can think of no better topic to discuss than that of the guiding principles we referred back to time and time again throughout these weeks. The principles are: 1) Equal Partnership, 2) Cleaving, and 3) the Divine Triangle.
First, I’ll talk about equal partnership. Marriage involves two people. Through God’s plan, those two people share in a companionship—an equal companionship. As directed through the Family Proclamation, given by Church authorities, and also through other direction given by General Authorities through the spoken word, we know that the husband’s responsibility is to provide, preside, and to protect. The wife’s responsibility lies in nurturing the family. These responsibilities are so different, yet all vital in raising a successful household under the Lord’s plan. Together, a man and wife can care for their family and provide a home full of love and one that is actively concerned with the family and with keeping the Spirit in the atmosphere.
Secondly, cleaving to one another as husband and wife has brought many great principles into play. Husband and wife should rely on one another and should turn to each other in every incident. In addition, by cleaving to one another, a married couple can separate from the in-laws and from their families of origin to build a strong connection and a strong reliance one each other. Newlyweds specifically should completely avoid turning to a parent to vent or to complain whatsoever about their spouse. This will never turn out good. It is pretty guaranteed that husband and wife will make up and the parent will continue to feel bitterness against the spouse and feel protective of their son or daughter. The principle is that man and woman build a strong reliance and a strong bond one with another and become empowered emotionally and spiritually.
Lastly, the divine triangle plays a huge role in a marriage filled with guidance from the Savior, Jesus Christ. Everything you do righteously to become closer to your spouse will innately bring you closer to our Heavenly Father. As you become closer to Him, you will better know how to grow closer to your spouse, and so the cycle continues. A righteous couple can bring each other closer to our Father in Heaven than either could do on their own. This is the beauty of the plan. The Lord intended us to unite and begin families as a husband and wife and through doing so, build a family based on His teachings.
This class has brought me closer to the Lord and has brought me closer to the person I want to be and the Lord would have me be going into an eternal relationship. I am so grateful for this.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
French Lessons
There are a couple of things that have specifically struck me in lecture, readings, and discussion in the past week or so. I would like to talk about those and relate them to my life. First, I would like to talk about Elder Tingey’s “Three Messages to Young Single Adults” as well as physical and non-physical intimacy in a relationship.
Elder Tingey’s message to young adults talked about 1) attending your own specified church and making sure your church leaders know who you are, 2) prepare today for tomorrow, and 3) be willing to accept the responsibilities of marriage. I have a very strong testimony of not only attending my own ward, but especially making sure my bishop knows who I am. At this time in our lives, we are all transit students moving from one endeavor to the next and one apartment or city to the next. Making sure we attend the correct ward and introducing ourselves to the bishop as soon as possible brings so many blessings and so many opportunities. I lived in France for one year and have been back for about six months. It was a very fulfilling, yet long and somewhat lonely year living with a family of a different faith. I was the nanny of three kids and rarely had to work on Sundays. I was of course allowed to attend church on those days. My first week in church there in Paris, I sat quietly and listened to the French program. After the meeting, I found the bishop, introduced myself, and told him how long I would be in the ward. He immediately walked me through the crowd of members chatting to the Relief Society President—who is now one of my closest friends. She assigned me as her partner for our Visiting Teaching route to visit other women in the ward. This was one of the most fulfilling positions I’ve been able to serve in the church. Soon, the bishop called me to play the piano for the Primary, who previously had no accompaniment. Once people knew who I was and that I was unfamiliar with the language, they were sure to have someone sitting next to me to translate during the meetings. This is why I have a testimony of making yourself known in your ward. Even today back in the United States I am being so blessed with a new calling and enjoying the opportunity to serve those around me.
The other thing I would like to discuss is physical and non-physical intimacy. Speaking of this in class has really brought up some interesting points. Even though you are not physically involved with someone, it is more than possible to build a relationship that is non-physical. In this way we need to be careful with our interactions between members of the opposite sex. I guess I had not considered the spiritual bond that praying together could have on a couple. It makes sense though that when you feel connected in a spiritual or emotional way, it leads to a strong relationship. We need to be careful with how we spend our time together and make sure we are acting appropriately in our thoughts, deeds, and our actions.
Elder Tingey’s message to young adults talked about 1) attending your own specified church and making sure your church leaders know who you are, 2) prepare today for tomorrow, and 3) be willing to accept the responsibilities of marriage. I have a very strong testimony of not only attending my own ward, but especially making sure my bishop knows who I am. At this time in our lives, we are all transit students moving from one endeavor to the next and one apartment or city to the next. Making sure we attend the correct ward and introducing ourselves to the bishop as soon as possible brings so many blessings and so many opportunities. I lived in France for one year and have been back for about six months. It was a very fulfilling, yet long and somewhat lonely year living with a family of a different faith. I was the nanny of three kids and rarely had to work on Sundays. I was of course allowed to attend church on those days. My first week in church there in Paris, I sat quietly and listened to the French program. After the meeting, I found the bishop, introduced myself, and told him how long I would be in the ward. He immediately walked me through the crowd of members chatting to the Relief Society President—who is now one of my closest friends. She assigned me as her partner for our Visiting Teaching route to visit other women in the ward. This was one of the most fulfilling positions I’ve been able to serve in the church. Soon, the bishop called me to play the piano for the Primary, who previously had no accompaniment. Once people knew who I was and that I was unfamiliar with the language, they were sure to have someone sitting next to me to translate during the meetings. This is why I have a testimony of making yourself known in your ward. Even today back in the United States I am being so blessed with a new calling and enjoying the opportunity to serve those around me.
The other thing I would like to discuss is physical and non-physical intimacy. Speaking of this in class has really brought up some interesting points. Even though you are not physically involved with someone, it is more than possible to build a relationship that is non-physical. In this way we need to be careful with our interactions between members of the opposite sex. I guess I had not considered the spiritual bond that praying together could have on a couple. It makes sense though that when you feel connected in a spiritual or emotional way, it leads to a strong relationship. We need to be careful with how we spend our time together and make sure we are acting appropriately in our thoughts, deeds, and our actions.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Amae and Belonging
As our Marriage Prep class continues to get more in-depth, I continue to feel like the readings and lectures are more applicable to my own life. I specifically loved the article and lecture addressing the term “amae.” This is a Japanese word that has no direct translation into English, but means the need or desire to belong. It is a feeling when someone else recognizes you, appreciates you, loves you, and needs you.
I think that we can all relate to this feeling. Often times once we have experienced someone showing appreciation for us or someone telling that they need us and then that is taken away, that is a time when we especially want amae. We have experienced the goodness of belonging and now feel the void. Once the void is filled it is a great feeling and because of amae, we could feel the difference—the improvement—but at the time it is hard to be patient.
It is also interesting that we can look at the other side of amae. Helping someone else feel your love—helping them feel amae in a way—can be called charity. It is a great power to be able to step into someone else’s life and help them to feel like they belong and like they are worth something. As we learned in class, amae in German translates to, “freedom through emotional security.” How true this is. We can agree that when you feel like you can be emotionally stable and are emotionally secure, you feel at ease and like you can be yourself. You feel like your true self belongs and that is key. We have to be true to ourselves and true to others. If people are to help us feel secure, we have to let them see and observe and grow to love the real us. You are happiest when you are true to yourself, and for others to appreciate that self only magnifies the great feeling.
I enjoy thinking and talking about this topic and I look forward to what I will learn next.
I think that we can all relate to this feeling. Often times once we have experienced someone showing appreciation for us or someone telling that they need us and then that is taken away, that is a time when we especially want amae. We have experienced the goodness of belonging and now feel the void. Once the void is filled it is a great feeling and because of amae, we could feel the difference—the improvement—but at the time it is hard to be patient.
It is also interesting that we can look at the other side of amae. Helping someone else feel your love—helping them feel amae in a way—can be called charity. It is a great power to be able to step into someone else’s life and help them to feel like they belong and like they are worth something. As we learned in class, amae in German translates to, “freedom through emotional security.” How true this is. We can agree that when you feel like you can be emotionally stable and are emotionally secure, you feel at ease and like you can be yourself. You feel like your true self belongs and that is key. We have to be true to ourselves and true to others. If people are to help us feel secure, we have to let them see and observe and grow to love the real us. You are happiest when you are true to yourself, and for others to appreciate that self only magnifies the great feeling.
I enjoy thinking and talking about this topic and I look forward to what I will learn next.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Where is marriage headed in the future?
We have recently talked in class about not just our Christian, LDS perspective on marriage, but what the world as a whole thinks of the institution of marriage. The discussions have been interesting and the readings informative. We have seen a shift in society regarding what is acceptable before marriage. It is not at all uncommon these days to live with someone before marriage or even to have a child before marriage. In my opinion, I think that we will see this trend increase. The more we see these things take place, the more ordinary they will seem and the more they will be socially accepted. For example, already we can see a trend with unwed mothers. It seemed much more prevalent before that if a woman found out she was pregnant, she would marry the father by her parents’ wishes or her own. This would both provide a father in the household for the child—protection, security, and income—as well as a cover up of a taboo subject. The more acceptable motherhood outside of marriage becomes, the less we will see a rush to cover the taboo act. This may be good or it may be bad. Maybe it will degrees the divorce rate—a positive effect for our society. But, we need to remember that in doing so, we are leaving countless of children fatherless.
Consequently, we also talked about the benefits of having a father in the home. Fathers help to set boundaries—enforce rules and set a structure to the household. Fathers also provide for the family. If the mother alone is working to support her family, she can easily burn herself out working in the home and out. Also, by having to work outside of the home so much, she is missing valuable time to be with her child.
The articles we read for class described the opposing mentalities with those couples simply living together versus making wedding vows in front of friends and family. They have found that there is much less commitment when only living together. There are no strings attached and each partner has a hard time putting themselves out there for the other when they are not sure what they will receive in return or even what a heartbreak they might feel. When people wed, they commit to one another and can then open the barriers of trust—extinguishing relationship fears. With the divorce rate as high as it is though, I cannot ignore the fact that many marriages do not last either.
I feel like the more knowledge and awareness I gain and the more positive, lasting attributes I establish and develop in my relationships, the more prepared I am for marriage. What I mean is that the pessimistic statistics do not make me fear marriage.
Consequently, we also talked about the benefits of having a father in the home. Fathers help to set boundaries—enforce rules and set a structure to the household. Fathers also provide for the family. If the mother alone is working to support her family, she can easily burn herself out working in the home and out. Also, by having to work outside of the home so much, she is missing valuable time to be with her child.
The articles we read for class described the opposing mentalities with those couples simply living together versus making wedding vows in front of friends and family. They have found that there is much less commitment when only living together. There are no strings attached and each partner has a hard time putting themselves out there for the other when they are not sure what they will receive in return or even what a heartbreak they might feel. When people wed, they commit to one another and can then open the barriers of trust—extinguishing relationship fears. With the divorce rate as high as it is though, I cannot ignore the fact that many marriages do not last either.
I feel like the more knowledge and awareness I gain and the more positive, lasting attributes I establish and develop in my relationships, the more prepared I am for marriage. What I mean is that the pessimistic statistics do not make me fear marriage.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Power of the Priesthood
Class discussion changed directions just slightly from talking about marriage in general and what it means in terms of eternity, to the roles of men and women—husbands and wives. These topics are very interesting and I think it’s very helpful to talk about them. Over the years we are filled with stereotypes and opinions, but when it comes down to it, it’s nice to hear once again what church authorities have to say about these roles. I also find it very encouraging. Someday I will be a wife and a mother and there is nothing I want more than to have a household full of love and comfort and of activity.
I love that it has been said that the roles of men and women are of “divine design.” This illustrates not only the duty of each, but also the guidance and responsibility given by our Heavenly Father. I feel so much confidence from this.
Another thought from class that I really appreciate is that of “creating a marital identity.” To me, this means truly and anxiously working with your spouse to create a relationship—and ultimately a home—built on the values and goals you decide as a couple. Some of the importance aspects of a marriage and of a family that I am excited to determine with my future spouse are “nurturing the sacredness in your marriage”—meaning being obedient and setting goals to increase spirituality and to increase how much the Lord is in our lives. Also, I love the fact that as a husband and wife, we are entitled to revelation pertaining specifically to our family. What a blessing to have the Lord lead and guide a relationship.
In terms of men and the responsibility and authority they have in the family, thinking of the difference between the word “preside” in terms of the church is different than the way a husband should “preside” in the home. Personally, as a woman in the church, I am extremely comforted and excited to one day have a husband who worthily holds the priesthood and has the authority to preside and protect our family. I remember an experience from years ago when I first received a testimony of the priesthood. We were part of a “trek” Youth Conference one summer a few years ago. The guys were called away and just the five or six of us girls in our group were left to pull our heavy handcart along a lengthy trail and up over a small hill. The task was extremely difficult for us girls, yet we persisted. As we came over the crest of the hill, all of the young men from the entire conference lined the trail on either side, standing silently and reverently. Walking between rows of men, I felt the spirit of the priesthood. I felt like their comfort encouraged us to come to the end of our trail. I had never felt so strongly the real power of the priesthood. I admire men for holding such power and for being worthy to do so. They are a blessing in the lives of women.
I love that it has been said that the roles of men and women are of “divine design.” This illustrates not only the duty of each, but also the guidance and responsibility given by our Heavenly Father. I feel so much confidence from this.
Another thought from class that I really appreciate is that of “creating a marital identity.” To me, this means truly and anxiously working with your spouse to create a relationship—and ultimately a home—built on the values and goals you decide as a couple. Some of the importance aspects of a marriage and of a family that I am excited to determine with my future spouse are “nurturing the sacredness in your marriage”—meaning being obedient and setting goals to increase spirituality and to increase how much the Lord is in our lives. Also, I love the fact that as a husband and wife, we are entitled to revelation pertaining specifically to our family. What a blessing to have the Lord lead and guide a relationship.
In terms of men and the responsibility and authority they have in the family, thinking of the difference between the word “preside” in terms of the church is different than the way a husband should “preside” in the home. Personally, as a woman in the church, I am extremely comforted and excited to one day have a husband who worthily holds the priesthood and has the authority to preside and protect our family. I remember an experience from years ago when I first received a testimony of the priesthood. We were part of a “trek” Youth Conference one summer a few years ago. The guys were called away and just the five or six of us girls in our group were left to pull our heavy handcart along a lengthy trail and up over a small hill. The task was extremely difficult for us girls, yet we persisted. As we came over the crest of the hill, all of the young men from the entire conference lined the trail on either side, standing silently and reverently. Walking between rows of men, I felt the spirit of the priesthood. I felt like their comfort encouraged us to come to the end of our trail. I had never felt so strongly the real power of the priesthood. I admire men for holding such power and for being worthy to do so. They are a blessing in the lives of women.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Entry #2 Marriage and the Eternal Plan
A huge goal for my marriage is to avoid contention with my spouse. I avoid contention at all costs these days; since I was little I have always preferred peacefulness to "getting my way." Recently in class, our professor mentioned that, "there is really no need to fight." This struck me very hard. Growing up in a home where this wasn't always true, it really is amazing to me to think that it is possible to have a relationship where you do not need to fight. You can imagine how wonderful this sounds to me. Hearing him say this to the class made it more realistic in a way. That same day, it was said in class that, "The best thing you can do for your kids is to love your spouse." What an incredible thought. It is so true; as you show love and respect and kindness to your spouse, your children will be able to develop these same qualities with family members, friends, and eventually in their own relationships.
In another lecture this last week, we talked about marriage and our eternal plan, which was a follow-up on what we read previous to the class. One of the great things said in class was that what we do here has real consequences; choices and actions directly affect your marriage and family. This puts marriage and starting a family into a whole new light. Even the process of choosing a spouse is altered when we consider the heavy decisions at hand. I imagine that if everyone on earth knew of the importance of a spouse and about eternal marriage, they would be much more careful and thoughtful with who they date and what decisions they make along the way. Perhaps they would be more careful about when to bring a child into the world and more careful about getting an education to support a family. What we do right now DOES effect eternity and if we align our perspective with this, we will innately align our perspective with our Heavenly Father's plan for us.
We also have talked in class that who you are before you get married is the same person you bring into the marriage after the wedding. This thought is very interesting. How much more does this encourage us to strengthen our testimonies and to organize our lives? I know that I personally am very encouraged by this thought. I am encouraged both by my strengths now and how they will serve me and my spouse in our marriage, as well as my weaknesses and how many little traits I should be working on in order to align myself with the Lord. It has been an exciting few weeks and I am learning many things from my classes right now.
In another lecture this last week, we talked about marriage and our eternal plan, which was a follow-up on what we read previous to the class. One of the great things said in class was that what we do here has real consequences; choices and actions directly affect your marriage and family. This puts marriage and starting a family into a whole new light. Even the process of choosing a spouse is altered when we consider the heavy decisions at hand. I imagine that if everyone on earth knew of the importance of a spouse and about eternal marriage, they would be much more careful and thoughtful with who they date and what decisions they make along the way. Perhaps they would be more careful about when to bring a child into the world and more careful about getting an education to support a family. What we do right now DOES effect eternity and if we align our perspective with this, we will innately align our perspective with our Heavenly Father's plan for us.
We also have talked in class that who you are before you get married is the same person you bring into the marriage after the wedding. This thought is very interesting. How much more does this encourage us to strengthen our testimonies and to organize our lives? I know that I personally am very encouraged by this thought. I am encouraged both by my strengths now and how they will serve me and my spouse in our marriage, as well as my weaknesses and how many little traits I should be working on in order to align myself with the Lord. It has been an exciting few weeks and I am learning many things from my classes right now.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Entry #1
This being my first experience writing a blog, I am excited to see what new things I can learn and also excited to tell those that read this what I am learning in my Preparation for Marriage course here at BYU.
For starters, this course is one that I am very excited about. I am mostly looking forward to learning how to feel secure and confident about marriage as well as learning to better the relationships in my life. Thus far, we have read one talk given at the recent December graduation for BYU-Hawaii by M. Russell Ballard. This was very interesting to read; I especially enjoy the fact that he discussed how the internet is setting the way for a new wave of possibilities. He compared the breakthrough of the internet to the invention of the printing press. This was very shocking to me and also, being an internet user, it was fun to hear an authority talk about the internet in such a great light. Both instances (the internet and the printing press) brought new light to society--brand new opportunities and immense access to knowledge.
We read this talk to get us ready for the semester and also to feel at ease and comfortable sharing out thoughts through online blogs. This is a completely new things for me, but like I said, I am excited to try something new. I have also read the next reading for the class which had to do with the eternal nature of families. Specifically, it tied families into the creation of the earth, Adam and Eve, and the Atonement. It is amazing how an eternal perspective expands your own personal perspective and also how you interact with your family and friends. We can be tied together with our family for all of eternity because of these things. I will discuss these more next time I write, but I wanted to mention how cool these aspects are when tied to the family. This will be a great semester.
For starters, this course is one that I am very excited about. I am mostly looking forward to learning how to feel secure and confident about marriage as well as learning to better the relationships in my life. Thus far, we have read one talk given at the recent December graduation for BYU-Hawaii by M. Russell Ballard. This was very interesting to read; I especially enjoy the fact that he discussed how the internet is setting the way for a new wave of possibilities. He compared the breakthrough of the internet to the invention of the printing press. This was very shocking to me and also, being an internet user, it was fun to hear an authority talk about the internet in such a great light. Both instances (the internet and the printing press) brought new light to society--brand new opportunities and immense access to knowledge.
We read this talk to get us ready for the semester and also to feel at ease and comfortable sharing out thoughts through online blogs. This is a completely new things for me, but like I said, I am excited to try something new. I have also read the next reading for the class which had to do with the eternal nature of families. Specifically, it tied families into the creation of the earth, Adam and Eve, and the Atonement. It is amazing how an eternal perspective expands your own personal perspective and also how you interact with your family and friends. We can be tied together with our family for all of eternity because of these things. I will discuss these more next time I write, but I wanted to mention how cool these aspects are when tied to the family. This will be a great semester.
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